It begins

Hello friends.

We have launched a new site.

I will not be updating here any longer, thought former posts will remain live for the time being. Heidi will still occasionally update her personal blog.

You can now find us at designedbycreativity.com

This is officially the beginning of a new opportunity for us, and hopefully for you.

Details will be on the new site under the page Beauty in Wordscape, and will soon after be moved to make room for you.

Come journey with us.

Coming Soon

We are in the process, one that seems very huge and unending, of getting everything together to launch into a new web based journey.  I had promised earlier that we would be sending out the details last week, sickness took way that option, was hoping to do ti today, not going to happen.  Hopefully by weeks end I will have everything together and set up so that we can start this journey.  Again if you are interested keep checking back, everything will be released soon.

The Event

The change is coming.  We are excited to get things established.  Details to come soon.  Interested?

Early Mornings

We had an incredible time away over the long weekend with 8 teenagers as we attended our district youth convention.  You can imagine how tired our minds and bodies all are after spending 48 hours with our 8 plus about 1000 others, singing, jumping, dancing and eating the most non-nutritious food you can find.  All the while trying to survive thrive on about 4 hours of sleep each night, maybe less maybe more for others.  My review and lasting memories of the weekend will be rundown on Designed by Creativity later tonight, check back for the full deal.

Anyway the whole realm of lost sleep caught up with us last night, and I found myself asleep by 10 pm.  Obviously this does not make up for the multiple hours I lost over the weekend, but it felt nice to know I could catch up on some.  BUT somehow by design or divine instigation that early sleep turned into an early morning.  At 5:30 our daughter came in complaining of really bad stomach pains, which meant we were scrambling trying to discover the cause of the pains.  She settled enough to fall asleep around 6 as I watched Sports Center and silently grumbled about the fact that my playoff pool is very sub .500 needing a win in game 7 and a win in the finals to make it to .500, yes I am horrible at picking teams.

This grumbling turned to worry as my daughter rolled over clenching her stomach crying in pain again, thinking maybe she just needs to use the wash room I helped her up and moved that way with bucket in tow, got no more then 5 steps and she let loose a torrent of last nights digested food.

That was an hour ago, her pains have subsided and we have a grey outlook on the day, wondering will the sickness pass and the day be clear or will the floodgates reopen at some point?  This we will have to wait for.

In it all I am left to think, was the early sleep brought on by over exhaustion, the realization of my elevating age, or the divine knowledge that I would be awake early in the morning?

What about you, have you ever had a moment like this, where one seemingly benign event unfolds into another that needed the original for you to function properly?  What are you facing today that needs a few extra hours of sleep?

New opportunity.

Do you blog?  My wife and I are mulling over an idea, one that could help beginning bloggers, get the word out of their site a little more, get some conversations going.  So my question is simply that, do you blog?  Would you be interested in centralizing your posts in one spot where others can find you easily?  A site that will carry a blog hop and increase the traffic around your ramblings and wisdom?  Let me know what you think and I'll let you know when the wheels start moving.

Next week I will release the structure for the site and why I want to do this.  So get active, leave a comment with your blog site attached and I'll come visit.  And if you don't yet blog but want to, look for the announcement next week and I'll add you to the list.

Doing the improbable

It's not impossible, just highly unlikely.

Someone once said that to me about a dream I had to be a professional athlete.  Baseball specifically.  Right fielder for the Red Sox.  So I stopped chasing that dream, but baseball remains the one passion I have that I feel I should have not given up on.  Something I should have kept the flame burning for.

I talk a lot about dreams with people I know.  I try to empower them to find a dream, and then chase it.  Not giving up because one person says your dream is a little weird, or too far outside the box.  Not to walk away when you hit a snag or run full stride into a wall.  Dreams are not always easy, especially when you dream big.

My daughter has a dream to become a rock star, and a princess, and a mom of many adopted children, and a teacher and a pastor and a few other things.  Not separately, all at once.  And I have not once attempted to crush her dream.  Not because she's my daughter and I love her enthusiasm, but because she is a dreamer on a large scale just like her father and I believe that her dream can be achieved.

What I also realize is that with my dreams I need to include systems and networks and an entire plan.  I can't just run after them and hope that they mysteriously or supernaturally come together.  And yes sometimes my dreams leave no room for error, others leave miles and miles of errors in their wake.  But the dream, the goal, however improbable it may seem, is always being crafted and pursued.

Here's an example, not the baseball dream, but a new crazy idea.


I have a plan that could possibly end homelessness, poverty and hunger not for the world but for a few countries at least.  Ok maybe the world.  Here's the system that would need to take form.

It begins with selecting a few families in a given area and training them to do specific work (outlined below).  Take a large section of every major forest or jungle in the world.  Clear cut, using those who are stricken with poverty and homelessness to do the work, paying them competitive wages and providing them meals during their shift.  Using the same people, build timber frame housing with the clear cut trees that the workers mill themselves and piece together frames and trusses and so on.  With each house comes a 40 square foot garden that must grow essential vegetables.  Provide equipment so each house can make bread and other food staples.  Each division of housing will have an animal pen for food grade chicken, lamb, beef and pork (as customs allow).

When the gardens begin to produce, governments will pay the land workers a salary to train others to clear cut, mill wood, build frames and houses and run a garden.  With the infusion of money into these new communities the people can build and run small stores to increase financial freedom and food provision.  Each community falls under the leadership of the closest city or village and over all the countries governing body.  Wells will be dug, proper waste disposal introduced and suddenly you have a viable community that has lowered the poverty rate, hunger issues and homelessness for given areas.  The added benefit, it will take the stress away from overcrowding, and disease within local water and food supplies.  And people are training each other how to live and be a part of the work force.

See it's improbable but not impossible and who knows maybe someone might actually do this, the point is I don't think the dream is too large, or really all that crazy.

What's your improbable dream?

Thankful

Waking up in the night to the sound of ice pellets bounding from your windows and dancing around the asphalt shingles on the roof, along side the bone chilling screech of tree branches scrubbing the flesh from each other and sensing the invisible force that moves mountains ripping away at the mortar of the chimney, is not what I picture as inviting, or even amusing.  But that is what I faced over night leading to Wednesday morning.  I shouldn't have been surprised, the weather forecast was calling for snow and freezing rain, but as experience has documented, never trust the weather man.  So I went to bed, half expecting it to be warm and sunny in the morning, only to be jolted by what I imagined was a group of ninjas creeping along the sides of my house tormenting me and my innocent family as we tried to find rest, or that the assembly of mythological creatures I sometimes read about on line, had come to prove their existence to me when I was most vulnerable.

No I didn't eat anything weird before bed, and had is been a thunderstorm I would have slept through it, but for some unknown undesired reason I shot up awake.  Also did I mention I was on the couch?  My family has gone through a long, sorry loooooooong bout of sickness.  With no exaggeration we have been cycling in and out of different illnesses since last May, including basic colds and severe allergies.  On the weekend I was sick with our middle child, he more so then I was, and it was not enjoyable. 1 hour of sleep through the night, waking up to the sound of 'Daddy I need to tell my throat not to puke', good thing I had a popcorn bowl handy.  So we were both shut down for Sunday and Monday.  Which brings us to last night, our daughter has had a cold, but out of knowledge of the belly monster and fear of top bunk puke, I traversed the hall way with daughter in arms to the living room, onto the the oh so comforting and inviting couches.

Maybe it was the fear that she was waking up tossing the last days meals all over her blankets, but every sound sent me into the defensive 'who's there' mode, lunging for the bucket to get it near the girl before she made our everything stained carpet a little worse, with no results.  So I made my way back to the couch, curled under the Thomas the Train blanket, folded up the too thin pillow and closed my eyes.  Sleep is coming.  For 10 minutes. Coughing, what sounded like a gag, a quick sneeze and then it happened.

The dog licked my face.  

With the smelliest, slimiest tongue that has entered the atmosphere, my face was covered in slobber and dog bowl water, at least it wasn't from the toilet.  And at least it wasn't puke.  I pushed him away, he went and curled on his lazy boy, yes my dog has a recliner that he has claimed for his own.  And none of us dare try to claim it back, that chair is disgusting, even if it does have a built in heater and massage function, which are broken but not beyond repair.  It's his and we all know it.

Back to sleep.  Wake up to my alarm clock, to rain, to a happy, healthy, coughing daughter.

And all I can think is, I am thankful for angry trees and roof dancing ninjas, and the loch ness monster, and the nasty smelling dog snot on my face.  Because at least it wasn't a hacking, gaging, puking daughter that woke me up.  That's one thing I can celebrate today, even in a dreary, wet, fall emulating spring day.

What are you thankful for today?  What sounds do you hate waking up to?

The envelope

Ever noticed how after writing a letter, signing it, folding it and preparing it for 'stuffing' you think, I hope this fits, and as though it was destiny, you seem to have miscalculated the fold sizes and one fold is too large.  You know you can't open it up and refold it, you really don't want to rewrite it on new paper, and you certainly can't buy a larger envelope, that would just look awkward, an under filled envelope, who has ever heard of such a thing?

My solution to this is actually the first one, to unfold it and refold it.  The new crease has no bearing on how the letter will be read.  It does not disrupt the envelope in any way, and I can't imagine that the recipient even cares that there is an extra crease.

When I get the letter with the double crease I know the person who sent it cares less about the presentation then the content, just as I do.  They shrug their shoulders as the letter gets crammed into the envelope, and they cringe while licking the adhesive strip.  But all the while their mind is on what they have conveyed in the letter, the words of hope and encouragement, maybe a birthday wish, possibly some financial aid being passed on.  It's the content in the letter, not the paper and how it appears.

But what of the envelope, the vessel that holds all that wonderful or biting content, what does it look like?  White, pink, brown maybe even green or blue.  So many colors, shapes, sizes and patterns.  Some with tears, too much postage, not enough postage, a little dirt, taped up, no return address, a sticker on the back. So many eye catching descriptors on the vessel that carries the message.

But the envelope is overlooked.  And when it comes down to the point of it all, this makes sense, and really, it's not so bad.

After all our lives resemble the envelope.

Often we are overlooked for how the envelope appears.  A size too big, a flaw in the packaging, not the color we like, piercings, contrasting fashions, so many things we find an excuse over, in order to not listen to the inner message.  But it's what is contained within us that makes an eternal difference, not the packaging, that's just the vessel that brings the message.

Life is too short and too hard to focus on the way the message of life, hope, grace and love is brought to us.  It's the story that makes the difference, the vessel is simply the mode of transportation for it.

So next time you feel like jumping to conclusion because someone is covered in body art and they don't appear the person you expect, remember that the envelope can be overlooked when what you really want is the letter inside.

The Loneliest Number

Many of us can recall the lyrics to the Three Dogs Night song, 'One' - one is the loneliest number.....  This can be true, being alone, as one person can be absolutely paralyzing at times.  Imagine the impact it has on your mentality, you show up for this large event you have planned, and you are the only one who actually shows up.  Or you decide to go out and try to make a difference in the community and you organize a time and put up fliers and no one else comes.  There you stand, alone, one.

Broken and destroyed by the lack of others you vow not to attempt anything big ever again, no longer will you be trampled by 'the better things to do' excuse and 'sorry I'm busy' remarks.  Leave it to someone else, they'll do it.  Maybe they'll be better at promoting it, or they are more popular then you, so people will flock to their side and aid them in their quest to change the world.

But what if no one takes up the charge?

As it turns out, one is not the loneliest number, far from it actually.  If we think back into the history of our world, what we come across is an entire list of one's who changed the course of history.  Maybe they each had moments where no one showed but themselves, maybe they were shook by that experience, or maybe they were strengthened by it.

So you are one person, and maybe in your context you are one in about 37 million others around you, maybe it's only one in 9000, but you are still ONE.   

Can you imagine the impact you will have as you walk through your community, in the schools, hospitals, retirement homes, and show love and grace to people.  One person changing the lives of so many others, because one is not a lonely number, zero is.

Zero people can never spread grace, zero can never buy groceries for their hungry neighbor, zero can't even screw in a light bulb.  But one can.

So you are only one person, get out there and go change your world, BEFORE some one else does.

The Vote

Remember that scene in Napoleon Dynamite, when Pedro's campaign starts, and people kind of just stare at him?  Then the election day comes and Napoleon breaks out some stellar moves in front of the school.  Why can't all election campaigns be that simple?

I don't usually wonder into the political realm, but I feel as though I would be leading people astray in some weird sense of the the word, if I didn't encourage fellow Canadians to seriously consider getting out in May to vote.  So I dedicate this post to all those who are 'on the fence' and I hope to sway you towards getting out to the polls this Spring.

We have entered election time, the buses and planes that carry the campaigners around our country are burning up diesel and jet fuel as we speak.  The estimated cost of the election is around, well I'm not totally sure but it can't be found at the dollar store.  The attack commercials against each party have been rolled out and leadership is starting to get asked some fairly tough questions.

There are a lot of contentious items being debated and promised in this campaign.  New fighter jets for our military, which we do actually need, tax cuts for various income levels, freezing tuition costs, legalizing items and events that are currently illegal, and the list continues.  Someone should offer bloggers a tax credit for every vote the generate, good idea?

Regardless of your loyalty to any party, there is one thing that each person of legal age and citizenship has in common, we can vote.  Now I admit this with some shame and some trepidation, I did not vote at the last provincial election.  I have various good excuses, but probably none of them are valid nor will they stand up to the numbers when we look at who did vote in our province, but I admit it none the less.

I want to encourage each person who can vote, to do so.  We have the freedom to vote, just as we have the freedom of speech and practice of religion and the choice to home school or not.  Why would we take it lightly and just say, who cares?  It's your freedom, exercise it.

Here's a short list of why you need to get out and vote.

1. You may be the deciding vote.  In the last election there were a few ridings that came within a couple of votes of a given number to establish a recount, maybe yours was one of the needed votes.  Maybe yours was one of the votes that would have kept a recount from happening.

2.  You have a say in what bills pass and which ones fail.  It's a stretch but it's the truth, when you vote in the leadership of this country, you take up arms with them and champion what they stand for.  We can't hope to accomplish anything by sitting at home and watching the election, we need to participate.

3.  You gain the right to complain.  Yes I know, complaining is childish, but it can also relieve stress, or build it as well.  If you don't vote and then you complain about the way a party is acting, you have no say, or in the very least no platform from which to voice your opinion.  Those who do vote can take up their soap boxes and shout it from the rooftops, I voted and this government is not acting properly.

4.  You become distinctively Canadian, or whatever nationality you are when you vote in an election.  I know someone who has never once voted, not for mayor, not for provincial parliament, not for our Prime Minister, not even for student council when we were in high school, poor Padro.  He has never even been to a ballot office, and I consider him an incomplete Canadian.  When we vote, I believe, it gives us more distinction of our nationality, we can relate to others, claim victory or defeat with our chosen party, and stand up for our countries rights and freedoms.  It is simply my opinion, but I believe voting distinguishes us as Canadian in our election process, if you're a citizen you have the right to vote, if you choose not to, you are not fully living up to your roll as a citizen, so in my basic theory of it, you are incomplete in your citizenship.  Kind of like having a car with no mirrors.  The car is there, just not completely.

5.  You have power.  Ok so this one has basically been said already, but some of us like power, so go out and vote, it'll give you a little more.

There are many other reasons, and maybe you have your own, but I challenge you to get out and vote this year.  Maybe it'll be your first time, maybe you've voted at every possible election in the past.  Just get out and vote.  Let's bring a party into power to lead our country.

Celebrity-itis

Weird title right, but that's what I find our society is suffering from.  We are so focused on the tabloids and television gossip shows and talk shows and so on that we forget these are real people as well.  Yes they have a camera on them almost 24/7, yes they make multi-millions of dollars for a few months work, sure they have a posh life style and I confess I watch a lot of movies and I love sports.  But I know behind it all they have a life that is not much different then the one we all struggle to live everyday.  Yet we ostracize them when they break the law or find them selves in a not so glamorous situation.

We need to ask the question, why are they not worthy of grace in that moment.  Remember the OJ Simpson trial?  Every second of it over publicized and even for weeks after it was over newspapers around the world carried front page stories on the civil trial.  I really don't see the need for this, but again we put these people on a pedestal then rip it out from under them the second they waver in any way.  Yes the trial was based on a tragic event, but if it had been two people who were not linked to a celebrity in any way, the trial would have had a short column in a local paper mid way through and the only thing covered on television would have been the car chase and ensuing arrest.

Let's bring it down a few notches from terrible to laughable, and no I am not comparing events, just illustrating our fascination with celebrity.  At the super bowl, A-Rod was being fed popcorn by his celebrity girlfriend Cameron Diaz.  It's been how long since the game, a month, and still there are people showing this footage, having drawn out conversations about the moment.  If it had been some couple in the 300 section of the stadium it would have been a sweet gesture, maybe shown once on sports center as filler and forgotten.  But it's not, it's A-Rod.  So we drag it out and I'm sure it'll be mentioned at least once on opening day, and multiple times through out the year, maybe even next year.

Here's the reason for my rant on celebrities.  I'm not trying to talk them into a pit, or make you stop reading the Gossip magazines while you wait to pay for your groceries, ok maybe that one.  I'm simply stating one obvious fact, they are people like you and I.  We need to stop measuring ourselves by their success and what they do in life.  Stop trying to compare who we are to them, stop giving them a pedestal and taking it away.  Would you do this to your neighbor?

My uncle lived on the same street for years as many of the Toronto sports franchise athletes.  He had conversation with them, and never did he talk them up or down in any way other then what he would do for his non athletic retired neighbors.  He didn't elevate them to these royal positions in his mind or ours when he discussed them, he talked about them as though they were real people with real lives, emotions and needs.  He actually understood that they just had an ability that made them lots of money and had a camera on their face more then you and I.  But strip it all away and you a person, just like you.

And that is all they are, real people.

Proper Dreams

As promised months ago, a post on dreams.  No not the ones inspired by the 2 day old cold pizza you ate last night, it's the kind of dream that drives your life.  It inspires you to open your eyes in the morning and keeps you from going to sleep at night.  The kind of dream that you want others around you to get involved in because you know it will make a difference, that is proper dreaming, now lets discuss.

Some of the most popular words in our history, come from one of the most quoted speeches, it begins "I have a dream..."  Though not specifically the beginning of the speech it is the most often used passage from the history making, life changing speech.  And much like this speech in our lives many of us will come to a point that we use the words, I have a dream.

My dream? To bring hope out of people, to influence them in a way that they can go out and influence others, to being love forefront, to share grace and mercy and promote healthy relationships.  Why?  Because I believe that everyone was went to live in such a way that they will achieve great things, and too often we lose sight of the great things we can accomplish or in the very least participate in because of either the choices we have made or the consequence of others choices.  I absolutely hate reading status updates and tweets about how some ones life is worthless.  They have lost hope, and I desire to be a beacon of hope for them, shinning through their dark night helping to show the way to what might be if they can grasp the opportunity and make the first step towards hope.

I have other dreams as well, some involve buildings, some involve specific people, others revolve around my gifts and passions.  But the one thing they all have in common is that I cannot possibly achieve the full effect of the dream on my own.  I need others to come along side me, I need divine intervention and appointment, I need favor and blessing.  My dreams, those which I believe are the best way to dream, are not all about me.  Some  do not even involve me in the slightest way, they are all much bigger then me, and they promote others, putting them first, placing them as the benefactor and making sure that in some way, the dream will live on in them as well.

My definition of a proper dream: one that is not selfish, is bigger then who you are or can be, can be passed on to others.  When Martin Luther King Jr. spoke those now infamous words, he knew that he was not capable of seeing this dream come to pass on his own accord, he understood that others had to walk along side him and even in front of him, and that the dream would outlive the person.  It's not that he dreamed so big that it was impossible to achieve, he knew what it meant to dream, and that the start of seeing that dream become reality was to share it with the world, or maybe in our case anyone who will listen and carry the burden with you.

Dreams that have meaning and momentum, the ones that matter to the world, they are bigger then the dreamer, they require a lot of passion and energy, the dream may even cost you your pride, show who you are in the shadows and it could take a tole on your life.  BUT the outcome, when the dream is proper, is always so much greater then the cost.  And often it develops in you a greater sense of character, your integrity level will rise, and your legacy will be one of greatness in a specific manner.

I would love my legacy to be the following.  He was a man of great integrity and character, pressing hope into a world that built barriers and strongholds of desperation and depression.  He brought love to the corners of the world, and grace and mercy to those others had passed by.

Are you a dreamer?  How big is your dream, does it require others be involved in order for it to succeed or even begin?  If not challenge yourself to dream bigger, much much bigger.  So big in fact that your dream may take generations to come to a full realization, that others will need to take ownership of it, that you will be remembered as one of great dreams.

Post-it Notes

Leaders love post it notes.  I love post it notes.  I have them scattered on my bulletin board, through out books, even at times on my laptop.  They help me remember appointments, I am able to quickly jot down short notes, and they stand out, causing me to re-read them over and over.

But here's the one thing about post it notes that they probably were not intended for.  They cause me pain.  No not paper cuts, thought they do hurt, this is on a deeper level, they cause a type of pain that brings about growth and change in who I am and the way I lead.

As I write down these short notes and thoughts, and quotes very often I am just writing something that I thought was a profound statement, and often at that moment, that's all it was a few words that caused me to stop and say WOW.  So I write it down, here's an example.  'Be a people who make interest not a people who pay interest.' Andy Stanley.

But as I reread these notes months or even years later, I am cut deeply by some of the statements that are on them, because they reflect words that at one time made me say wow, and now, well now they are just words on a blue post it on my wall or in a book.  Not doing what the words were intended for, but doing what the post it was intended for, just hanging there waiting to be read.  The words on the post it have the power, but it's the post it that is the messenger and the 'author' of what is hurting me at the moment.

As I read all the notes scattered in my office and house I realize one great thing, I have not lived up to what is written down, that great revelation months ago that I promised to stand on has slipped away and become decor on my walls.  I have come to realize that the reason I wrote them down was to better my leadership value, my goal is to one day lead as a 10, not stay as a 5 or 6 forever.

Post its, in my life, are a way of saying, I need to live at a higher standard.  I hold people around me, those who are in leadership with me, and under my scope of leadership to what may seem at times as an unlivable standard, and yet I hold myself to a higher standard then I have for them.

Throughout the world people look at others and expect huge things from them but in their own life they live at a very low standard, expecting and delivering the bare minimum.  This isn't always the case of leadership or management, but it does occur in these realms just as it does in everyday life.

We have an idea, one that is literally disturbing and disruptive, that others have to live in a standard that is higher then what we hold our selves to.  We cannot expect this of people, but we can expect it of ourselves.  You want to be a great employee or employer, maybe improve the way you serve in a volunteer roll, perhaps you desire to be a better spouse or parent, create a standard that is higher then where you are so you have to strive to improve the way you live  Not so much that you drain all your energy and never improve but enough that you recognize improvements and can determine what you can do to grow a little more.  I would never expect of myself to double the size of my leadership team in one day, but I do in one year, maybe even triple it.

The reason to all this is simple and maybe just as profound as the notes I have made; we need to expect great things of others, have a high standard for them, but we must have a higher standard and greater desire of our own lives, or we will never be happy with the way people around us lead/live/parent/serve.

Now, go buy some post it notes.

The remaining.

I've decided to wrap up the conversation on the generations and the risks and advantages each one has in today's society.  I'm doing this to be free from the burden in my mind that I NEED to finnish it, My intention was to complete it, with 5 separate posts, that is no longer going to happen.  The problem when you set out on a journey like that is that you bind yourself to the idea that it's the thing you need to do.  When really I wanted to post on the two generations I have, and leave it there.  But thinking on it I made the decision that one post for 5 different age categories was better for this blog.  I was wrong.  The goal of this blog from the beginning was for me to share what was going on in my life, to share insight and hopefully wisdom.

Can I accomplish this in what Iw as wanting to do, yes but I a recently read a wise man write the words 'under that fat blog is a skinny one waiting to live the life it was called to.... edit edit edit.'  I say that because if I had continued with the path I was on, you would be reading 3 entries that would progress in length and stats and some information that served only to entertainment myself and those like me.  Seriously I was about 2000 words into a blog entry on my generation, with only one major point left to make.  I want to get across to you the main ideas in articulated form, not rambles and rants.

So here you are, the rest of this post will sum up what every generation needs and the struggles they face.


Have you ever entered a store and walked down the candy isle hoping to make it past with out catching a glimpse of your favorite sweet?  For me it's anything sour.  And I am not supposed to eat sugar in excess, so I walk down to the isle of the store where the dog food and bread is, circle back to grab the last minute bag of milk we forgot from the grocery store, and make my back out, because I am at times, very weak, and just one sour patch kid won't hurt too much.  How about this, you're driving or are a passenger in a car, when you approach a green light and notice a car creeping into the intersection.  The gut reaction is to yell at them and brace for a possible impact.  Then as you pass safely, you comment on how horrible they drive.

Maybe you have been to a major sporting event and looked around at the thousands of people whoa re there with you, pondering on where they are from, what they will return to, who loves them, who cares for their health.  Or you have been bullied or abused in some way, verbally, physically, emotionally, mentally.  And all you want to do is escape from it all, run from the pain and threat of more pain.  Only to find that you can't, not without facing the pain head on.

Why am I sharing these illustrations, because they link to the risks we live with every day and the opportunities we have in other peoples lives.  Every day we are faced with self control dilemma's, should I or shouldn't I?

We have the opening for anger, justified or not, and to protect ourselves from what could possibly happen.  We meet new people and realize that their lives are nothing like ours, or they could be incredibly similar.  And everyday we are faced with pain of some sort, whether a large amount or a sliver of hurt, it's there, for some more then others.

So what does it all mean, why should you care?  You should care because you are a person, you live and breathe amongst other persons, and regardless of how we try to tell ourselves, we are never really that alone.  If we are willing to reach out and if we are willing to return the outreached hand.

What every person of every generation needs, has never changed.  LOVE, we all want, need, crave, desire, long for, wait for, and cry for love.  Because in love we can find acceptance, inclusion, faith, hope, friendship, compassion, opportunity, new dreams, greater passion for life, desire to help others, a hand of care, answers.

In love there are so many good things, but there is also risk, healthy risk, the kind of risk that might turn out poorly at first but will allows you to grow so immensely that you wonder why the risk was taken earlier.

So why take so much space to say that we all need love, to be loved, to show love, to share love?  Because sometimes we hold on to everything else and forget to love others.  The man walking down the street with no where to sleep, no food, no shower.  The lady who has lost everything and just wants a hand to help her through the mess she is faced with.  The young boy who can't see past the word orphan.  The pregnant teenage girl who is ridiculed and hidden.  The family who doesn't look like you.  Or maybe the person next to you on the couch right now, love over shadows all, but you need to let it.  And every generation needs it, more then anything else, we need love.

You will see and hold many things in your life, but love is the greatest.

Horrible Consistency

That's always been who I am when it comes to things like this.  I start with a great intention to blog about things that come to mind, things that I am processing, events that have effected me, issues in our generations and communities.  Then I get stuck on one random thought and I stop all together.

Why?  Where is is that the battle to stop being lazy when it comes to my form of creativity was lost?  When did I make the jump from motivated blogger to unrealistic expectations and unravelled desires?

This whole situation has me thinking that I should walk away from the keyboard for good, to end the cycle of promises to write more and read more, only to forget or make up an excuse or just not care.

The real problem?  I made a compromise.  I started writing a series of blog on the 4-5 generations I see in life right now.  I got through two of them.  Then I said to myself, "maybe I'll wait and be sure of my statements before I post the next one."  And so it sits unpublished.  Because I want to 'be sure'.

What began as a place to share my thoughts became a slate where I needed to feel like I accomplished something.  I have willing allowed this blog to cancel out my dream of writing just to write.  It has essentially ended my love for this craft.

But maybe that's a good thing.  Perhaps I can get back to what this was originally all about.  Hopefully there is a chance I can turn it all around and make good of all this mess.

With no desire for people to comment, no need for words of accomplishment, no hope for a transcendence to being a publicly published author.

All I want is to write, so that just one person has a positive change in their life.

Is that really so hard to fathom?

Those who are to come

OK maybe not specifically those who are still in the womb and yet to be seen by human eyes, except maybe on those freaky 3D ultrasound photos, but they are included in this post.  On a more general base I am talking about the children who currently run around our houses and schools, right up to the grade 5 level.  These are the individuals that in 20 plus years will be running companies, taking up political office, and will be taking care of their aging parents as we prepare for retirement and hopefully the cottage life.

The upcoming generation is the first in our history that are bombarded with the media image of unhealthy lifestyles being 'normal'.  The teenage generation has been introduced to this image, however they were for the most part not introduced to it from birth.  Yes many of them grew up with the electronic babysitter but many of them did not see what is being toted about as normal to the current children of our world.  Single parent homes, fathers who are not part of the house hold activity, mothers who work midnights so the power company doesn't cut of the hydro, siblings who are losing their hearing from having mp3 players turned too loud.  Then looking outside the family unit they are being shown images of high profile celebrities having multiple affairs, going in and out of rehab and prison, music videos with women being degraded as objects and not a person, and the general idea that it's OK to break the rules because it's better to ask forgiveness then it is permission.  The trouble with the way we are forming the viewpoints of this new generation is the outcome it will have on their lifestyle when they get to my age.

Yes we will have some very successful people rise up from our children, but we will also see the decline of fundamental beliefs, integrity in the workplace and an overall acceptance of being morally corrupt.  Why?  Because we are telling them it is standard procedure to be happy with our own lives and discard the desire to help others who are in need.

I recently made a decision to bless a family close to us with some food, a quality staple of a healthy lifestyle, and someone asked me why I would give away what I paid for to help someone in need.  Last week I took 15 youth and leaders to a restaurant and after the meal we left a 60% tip for the two waitresses that helped us, and I was asked why I would do something like this.  Is this really what we want to teach our children, that we need to always come first and being selfish is the only way to advance in life?  I need to be honest, when I am selfless I am satisfied with my life, when I am all about me I feel horrible, like something has been taken away from me.   Why would I ever want my three kids to grow up and think that hoarding your belongings in such a way that no one else is allowed access to them is acceptable.  I want to teach them that giving is the best way to advance in life, that when you help others be elevated in their lifestyle we can indeed be placed in a level of love and trust that puts us far beyond what any amount of money and possessions can do.

To speak on the appearance of lifestyle I have only a few words, that of course I will expand into a paragraph or two.  Deplorable, dysfunctional and generally confusing.  How many athletes and celebrities have we recently heard about who have had text messages revealed to the press and it destroys a marriage and a family?  How many people in the 'normal' - I say that in quotes because the only difference between us and a celebrity is a few million dollars and a high profile life - walk of life have been found in an affair?  This is acceptable?  What happens in this situation is very sad, a person takes a sacred act, marriage, and event that is supposed to last until death and they place another person in the middle of it, stating to the children - I just needed more then mom/dad could offer me.  No you're just selfish and maybe your communication is that of a 10 year old!  We as a society need to stop pressing this image into our children's minds because if we fail at this we will soon see that the outcome will be marriage expectations changing to include affairs - 'open marriage' - and the success rate of a marriage going below 50%.  Even the image of single people having all these half dressed women and men around them is detrimental to the growth pattern of a child's life.  As a teenager they will use the words "I saw it on TV and in your life so it must be OK for me."  Did you know that the average amount of sexual partners for one person 100 years ago was 1.2.  Today's number - 7 for men and 9 for women. What this means if we take the current accelerated hormone patterns and the way life is being revealed to our children - sex ed. in grade 5 as opposed to grade 8 20 years ago - our children will have 10-15 sexual partners in their life time.

Here's where the life experience in confusing for our children, we have become a nation that is tolerating more and more, so much so that we cannot stand up for what we believe without being accused of hatred and bigotry.  When we as parents can no longer instill in our children what our beliefs are, and hope to raise them according to some moral and social standard then we are failing as a nation and culture to allow every creed and culture to pass on traditions.  Our beliefs are not all the same, but we should be allowed to share them, no?  The problem is we have taken a stance that says your ways are not acceptable because modern society says we have to live this way and your traditions and 'old school' beliefs are not welcome.  Back to the 100 years ago thing -  we used to not see women with skirts that didn't do above the ankle, or a blouse that showed any shoulder at all, and men wore hats, and ties, and they worked hard every day where ever they could find work.  Now our modern culture says we can wear almost nothing and in some places nothing at all and work is a hobby not a need.  I was taught to work hard at anything I did, not to do it half hearted but to give my all, and in school if I failed to complete an assignment I failed it, now we can send our children back with half the work done and not all of that half correct and somehow they pass the assignment.  Can you see why I am confused by the way we are moving in bringing up our children?

I don't mean to be negative about this, I just fail to see the positive side in teaching kids it's OK to not try, it's acceptable to sleep around, and it's more then normal to not care about anyone other then ourselves.  BUT there is a silver lining, though popular culture says life is progressing the way it should, and all the so called 'bad and evil' is actually good for us, we can still live a life of love and compassion for others, we can work hard as parents and teachers and role models, we can have integrity and character and all of this generation will see it and they will say, I want to be like him or her.  Pavel Datsyuk who plays for the Detroit Redwings is known as one of the hardest workers in the NHL.  He is first on the ice for the team, often and hour before anyone else and he is frequently the last to leave.  He has been awarded multiple Lady Byng awards, 4 consecutive for most gentlemanly player, the only player with more total is Wayne Gretzky, who has 5 but only 2 consecutive.  Brooks Laich of the Washington Capitals last year after being eliminated from the playoffs stopped by a car and helped change a flat tire, apologizing to the mother and daughter for not winning the game, and he plays hard in every game, leaving nothing behind.  Why do I mention these two, I could mention many others, but I find in them qualities of character that is sorely missing in the everyday walk of life.  They exhibit a life style that can be taught to my children and I could be proud of them.

This generation of those who are to come have a great advantage over all who have already walked through life, they will be the first to have the opportunity to effect a change in the way others live, to the extent that it will last.  Not just inventions that make life modern and easy to live, they will make a change in the world that will endure the years that try to tear it down.  I have often said that my three children will change the world, they will be history makers, please come along side me and speak that into your child's life, tell them they will do great things, raise them to be men and women of high morals, not compromising because it seems to not matter, raise them to have great character and integrity, that they will stand by their promises and not fold.  Raise them to care for others and not just themselves.  When this is done we will be setting them up for great successes in life, not just half a chance to do something great, but a distinct opportunity to have their names stand in history as people who brought love to a world that so desperately needs it.

This Generation

I've decided to take the next few days and weeks and write a few posts dedicated to generations.  So for the next while you'll be reading my thoughts on the struggles and opportunities of the forthcoming generation and those who are nearing the end of their time, as well as many of those in between.  I want to begin with some thoughts and burdens I have centered around our youth generation, those between the ages of 12 and 20.  The junior high, senior high and 'pre' young adult age students.  The reason and span of these thoughts have taken a long time to join together into a coherent paragraph or two, so if you feel like you are lost in the accusations, common knowledge and general apathy towards this age group, you're probably not alone.  Actually you're definitely not alone.  Read along and feel free to respond, I promise this post will get you thinking about your own presuppositions towards our youth generation and culture.

Not long ago I was leaving a coffee shop in my little town when I saw some familiar faces, being the non excitable, completely methodical personality that I am I slowly crossed the street and approached them, with no motive other then to say hi, and no expectation beyond perhaps an awkward glance back toward me and a gesture towards the rest of the group that that guy is a little creepy.  Perhaps you know the look, one friend trying to convince another that they have no idea who you are, a little nervous twitch of the eyes, a shrug of the shoulders and a slight groan that is completely incoherent, maybe you have even used the look a few times this month as strange older people have accosted you on the street or in a grocery store.  As I opened my mouth to say hello to the two individuals in the group of 6 that I recognized I experienced something that threw me off base and set my mind on a roller coaster ride through specific responses while not finding one that could fit the uttered comment.  Before I could form any words in an inviting tone I heard the following 'hey is there youth tonight, cause I want to bring a friend'.  When you enter into a situation with a specific expectation of having very limited conversation and the whole realm of your reality is turned from convex to concave it sinks into your mind that what you had imagined was very refined by the way society has come to view this generation.  Have I had the instance of limited conversation and needing to make an attempt to get out of awkward silence, yes I have, frequently.  But this occasion changed my perspective and my belief in what kind of a culture our youth are surrounding themselves with.  Suddenly it became apparent to me that not every person in this age range is decidedly silent to my generation, and they are in fact looking for a positive relationship with any one who is willing to offer it.

This is the reason for my post, we have long read in the "dear editor" section of our newspapers and even seen it on the evening news that this youth generation is being raised improperly, or responding to the nurturing process negatively or they are being so brainwashed by the 'evil things' all around them that their only response is disrespect.  I disagree, and possibly not in a respectful manner.  The fact is that we are not surrounded by a generation of youth that are hopeless, lost, in need of anger management or general therapy.  They do not need to be taught tough love and they by no means need to learn life the hard way.  I believe that this is the first of possibly many more youth generations that are in need of the 'hands on' approach.  Growing up my generation needed a few hours a week with our parents and mentors in order to be properly trained, but due to the gross over indulgence in media and technology with today's youth there needs to be much more time spent pouring into their lives.  There is of course inherent risk in this that individuals will hurt you, that can however be said about every generation before this one and those that will follow.  My honest opinion of the matter is that this generation needs love, an opportunity to show who they are and what they can accomplish is given the chance, they need to be shown that theirs is a future that they can take hold of, that hope is not a four letter word but an actual tangible experience of emotion and contrasting sentiment.  Tough love is not the way to go, because just maybe they don't even know what it means to have simple love, the kind that stops them on the street and says, 'hey, are you ok?'  And they don't need to learn the hard way because this is quite possibly the only way they have ever been taught anything in their lifetime.  We can not leave them to fend for themselves and force them to grow up at an accelerated pace because our lives are just too busy.  We need to fight for them, fend for them and train them up to live life in a proper respectful manner, and when they do fail we need to cheer them on to try again, no matter if it takes one try or 100, we need to be their biggest cheerleader.

I had a man in my life outside of my family who every chance he had, made sure to tell me how much improved I was at something, how well I was doing at another area of life, and where and how I could improve at areas I was weak in.  This man mentored me because he saw potential and hope for my life.  Who do you have in your life that did that for you, better question, who are you doing it for now?  I know I would miss an entirely relevant area of this discussion if I didn't mention the apparent lack of respect that can sometimes be shown for the property and person of other individuals and that of the city they live in.  My response to the way people react to these situations: this may be why the show of respect is not greater, if it is at all being shown.  When we make a point to react in disrespect for the action of another the appropriate thing for the offender would be to apologize, but when we leave our youth to learn for themselves and expect them to make proper decisions along the way, we set them up for failure from the beginning of their journey toward adult hood.  We would never leave an infant and expect him/her to feed and clothe themselves.  Why take the adolescents and expect them to learn life's lessons without any guidance.  Here's the point to this rant, lives are changed through relationship, this is the best way to see discipline take effect and foster the proper attitude or lifestyle change that may be needed.  So if we want to change the culture and generation of the youth of our family/town/country get involved in their everyday activities.  Start showing that you care and soon you'll see that they actually do care, not just as a show to appease us, but they actually do care.

I work with youth and children as part of my calling, I see the disfunction in their lives and the desire to be loved and accepted.  So while I may see them in groups, I deal with them as individuals, getting involved and showing that they are cared for, that the future they will see can be entrusted in their hands, and that they are meant to accomplish great things.  So if you see some spray paint, don't respond 'stupid kids' set it in your heart and mind to love and teach them.  After all there is a good possibility some one once saw your actions and responded 'stupid kid' wouldn't you have rather been taught the better way to live life them be labeled in such a harsh way?

Take some time and share the hope you have with the generation that is growing up fast, too fast, and allow them to see down the road a few years, what's ahead may be rocky and have some hard lessons, but it is also filled with potential to grow and learn, opportunity to love and a chance to succeed.  Life is short, why not share yours with someone who desires to live a good life.

My confession and a shout out

I would like to take a moment and confess that I have not kept the blog up to date at all for one reason.  I have been discouraged by the small number beside my followers total.  But I discovered that by not writing here I have put a very large cap on my creative ability and growth.  It is not possible to find new avenues of expression when all my thoughts are left in various corners of my brain and seldom spewed into tangible expressions of conviction and burden.  I also came to the conclusion that I was persuaded very easily to start this blog, actually re-start the blog because I have always had a dream of writing a book and having it published.  I was told that a blog can be a great start at this, so I figure if this dream is to go from moments of subconscious reflection and crafting into a reality, I need to be proactive in the process.  I would never want to get to the point of seeking a publisher with a half finished thought for a potential title of a book that has not gone past the whiteboard sessions in my mind.  So I will write, even if it is for the few followers to read that day, I will share what is on my mind, and maybe start a few more blogs for different streams of thought.  For now, I write because I genuinely love to construct thoughts and pictures with letters placed sometimes incorrectly into sentences.  Join me if you like.

Now I want to give a 'shout out', do we really still say that, to a group of people that are making a difference in the world by reminding us that everybody is capable and deserving of a second chance.  This is a community, that have termed themselves 'People of the Second Chance'.  The purpose of this community, if I am correct in this and may take the liberty, is to present the idea that a second chance is not out of reach for any of us.  That regardless of the offense, the missed opportunity or the wavered path, a second chance for your life is available.  The idea behind all of this is Grace, that we would both accept and offer grace to one another in this life, that we would be a people who understand that at one time we had a second chance, and though the opportunity to make it right may have come out of a transgression that is our eyes was not a great one, somebody still offered us the path to correct our ways, a second chance.  They took the story of Michael Vick and his re-entry into the NFL as an opportunity to offer him a second chance.  I believe the words used went along the lines of "I hope he succeeds" there may have even been an expression of "I hope the Eagles win the super bowl".  This is one example of the grace that they hope to convey to a world that has made themselves the judge of everyones life, forgetting that vengeance is not ours to extract.  Maybe they are what we would term 'grass roots' but I see the importance in their words and the desire in their actions to show to any who they may cross paths with a second chance at their life.  

In an earlier post I mentioned about the role models we have placed before our children, and while I still believe that we are giving improper direction for our boys to become men of truth and strength with some of the personalities out there, I also believe that each one of these names mentioned is an incredible candidate for a second chance.  When a physical injury happens to one of our sports hero's we seldom write them off and claim that they will not produce as they once did.  They go through possible surgery, then rehab, then some low impact training, then some game simulation training, then possible they start into a game with limited play, and they make a comeback that can see them achieve equal and greater ability then they had before the injury.  But for some reason when we hear of these sports heros breaking laws and hurting others we place them in a category of useless second hand underachievers.  We no longer cheer for them to comeback to the game and make a difference, and when they do we make big signs and stand there, at a game, or even in our living room, conveying a message of disgust.  Why not express an option for a second, or in some cases, third and forth chance. Cheer for these people to come back to the team and be the player they were trying to be.  After all we only know about their life problems because of the fame they have, we don't know of the life issues of all those around us and they may be living lives worse then those who are forefront on our televisions.

The fact is that everyday there is a new face on the television or a new voice on our radios and podcasts of someone who has messed up in life.  They express words of regret that may or may not be true or adequate for the moment.  Maybe there is no remorse in their life stemming from the circumstance they have been caught up in.  But the voices and faces are there.  They come from all walks of life, politics, sports, finance, religion, business and celebrity.  However they all come from the neighborhood you and I live in.  They come from the cars next to you on the freeway, they are the people who you pass in the grocery store, they are everyone.  And regardless of what walk of life they are connected to, what stream of finance they enjoy or lack, they all have one thing in common, they are people just like you and I.  So next time you hear or see the face of someone who has screwed up a little or a lot, instead of beating them up with our words and actions, why not do the right thing, be a 'people of the second chance.'  After all, you got one, why shouldn't they?

You can find more about People of the Second Chance at their website: http://www.potsc.com

Boys need to be boys

As I sat on the couch and watched my older son play with his matchbox cars and pretend he was in the midst of an intense nascar race, I began to contemplate by behavior at his age.  Sitting in the back garden with my GI JOE's, digging them a trench to fight from, enlisting the services of any and all insects in the area to help defeat the evil Cobra forces that were surrounding them.  When suddenly the rain would begin to fall and the only thought on the mind of those action figures was to get to higher ground, so I quickly, with bare hands, began to fling dirt into a make shift ridge that they could climb and fire down upon the enemy, all while fleeing from the oncoming flood from a late summer down pour.  Those were the days of pure adventure, when the only limit to what you could do was how far you allowed your imagination to stretch.  I often wonder where my son is in while his imagination is working overtime.  One moment he could be in a 'three lap race' and the next he is boxing his imaginary opponent.  I try my best to encourage him to think of new scenarios to be played out, and to place himself in the action, thats where the real enjoyment is.  Watching him play has become one of my favorite past times, it's so easy to allow time to slip away when he's laying on the floor with a plastic monster truck in one hand as he runs over the obstacles he has created, which often are his sister's barbie dolls, and he yells out 'watch out for the crusher truck'.  But I am startled by a new thought, as a senior kindergarten student he is one year removed from his teacher asking him to complete an assignment on what he would like to be when he grows up.

There's nothing wrong with this particular process, but my fear is that we as a society are rushing our young children out of their imaginations and into the real world too quickly.  Boy's need to be boy's as long as they can.  I am so encouraged when I see grade 5's and 6's running around in costumes acting silly for the sake of nothing more then some fun, no worry about 'the future' at that moment.  Where I am discouraged is when I have conversations with parents about the need to teach their 6 year old the right way to save money and how to spend money, or why it's wrong to spend so much time on one interest and not broadening the horizons during their free time.  Eventually boys grow out of wanting to play with some toys and they become interested in other things in life, someday they begin to talk about the girl beside them in class and as a parent you wonder 'is it time for the talk'?

For now I want my boy's to enjoy their childhood, because it is so very short, and though I am soon to be 30, I will enjoy it with them, whether it entails watching them from my couch, or rolling on the floor with them, making silly voices and running over barbie dolls with the 'crusher truck'.  Not only will I encourage my boys to remain boys as long as they can, but I think it's far been to long since some of us 'men' have acted as 'boys'.

The perpetual fear is that we will be seen as immature or our friends will poke fun at us for our desire to jump in a puddle, do you remember how much fun this is?  Physically some of us may not be able to do certain activities, but mentally we can still imagine ourselves as captain of the Jolly Roger on our way to stop the evil Duke from claiming the land of our fathers.  Imagination is not only a way to feel young, but it also keeps us mentally fit by allowing our brains to recall various occurrences in life and general history.  Am I made fun of for sitting in a cardboard box as my kids pull me through the house, probably.  Do people ridicule me for finding enjoyment in building a railroad track so I can act out a rescue scene with my kids, in al likelihood yes.  But am I worried about what you think, no.  I'm not worried because you think I am immature and unclassy because my kids for those moments think I am superman, my wife thinks I am an amazing dad and my dog thinks I am a chew toy.  But we all get a laugh out of it and my kids love me for it.

If I am told to grow up I will answer with some sort of sarcastic comment like: maybe when I'm 70.  But the truth is I'll probably be sitting down with my grand kids at that point playing video games.  Come to think of it, maybe we place too much emphasis on 'growing up'.  Yes me need to mature, we need to be responsible and we need to have character and integrity, in short we need to become men.  But the truth is in all men there is a boy, and at some point we all need to be that boy, even as a 30 year old or 70 year old.  Back to the process of the school assignment.  I know when this project comes home we will hear many different answers. I want to be a cowboy when I grow up, or maybe a race car driver, or a doctor, or a pastor or... and the list goes on.  Whatever the answer I will encourage it, but I will also encourage the thought of becoming a good, strong, integrity driven, loving and motivated man.  A man who has a sense of childhood instilled within him.  My hope is that all my kids grow up see their dreams realized, for right now I am content in watching them be kids, and while my boy's are boy's I will be a boy with them.  Maybe it's time we all grew up a little and became better men, by becoming better boys.

Where are all the men?

Remember what it was like when we were young, the people we watched on television, the ones that our parents so subtly told us to do everything we could to not be like them, and then the others that we were told we should try to emulate?  Can you recall trying your best to talk like your role models, to look like your heros?  In some form those moments still exist, parents still have conversation with their children that is governed by modern media and the people we see as the most influential 'celebrities and viral all stars'.  Music has mainstreamed a generation of people who want to live at home as one person and be a 'rock star' every where else, think Miley Cyrus in her younger years.  Nickleback even wrote a song that captures the true heart of the matter, we have surrendered much of our lives to the lust of the flesh and have garnered a lot of negative attention in the process, wanting to have the next big thing, all the popular gadgets and material possessions and possibly even the 'eye candy' and 'trophies' on our arms.  Yet in all of this, I am not as angered as I have been with the way men have been portrayed and made examples of over the last few years.

Journey with me over the coming paragraphs and try to grasp what I am struggling with, where my apathy to advertisers has come from and why I feel the need to start a revolution towards rebuilding the male gender to who we should be.  Ladies I encourage you to read along as well, and join in the process with encouragement and growth.  Let's go.

Growing up I had a few hero's in my life, people I really wanted to be like.  I followed the life of the typical role models, Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, Wayne Gretzky, Tony Hawk, Lawrence Taylor the people that pop culture made out to be the top of the ladder for young men to idolize.  What has become apparent in the many years since my tenth birthday, is that I was possibly following the wrong men.  These names along with many others presented great personalities in front of television cameras and microphones, but with the exception of 'the great one' all have failed to remain the men they claimed to be.  Each had a great life and did wonderful things, but they have also since fell quickly down the ladder by some terrible choices in family and personal life.

I have come to grips with the reality that today's role models in pop culture and all things media are very much the same, living a great life in front of the camera, but making questionable decisions in their personal lives.  Think A-Rod, Tiger Woods, Ben Roethlisberger, Mel Gibson, Eminem, Usher and the list can carry page after page of names.  These are the men we are turning our young boys towards and saying, be like him, he's a MAN'S MAN.  We disregard the turmoil that each one goes through on the sidelines of life, neglecting the issues they represent, all for who they are in the spotlight.  But I refuse to allow my young boys to be polluted in a way that would turn them to make inappropriate life choices, decisions that would leave them in the gutter begging to have a second chance, instead I am deciding to not only be a man that my boys can look up to and emulate, but I am going to surround myself with this type of man, creating in my household a generation of character, trust integrity and honesty, men who will stand for their beliefs, their faith and their family.  I choose to give my boys the best chance at succeeding as men that I can possibly create, to allow them to be the kind of man their children will want to look up to and emulate.

Yet this is not even the start of the issues I have begun to wrestle with, remember my words as I crafted an introduction to this topic - the way men are portrayed and made examples of, in this lies what has become my biggest concern.  The truth is I can help my boys and others by pointing them to good proper role models, but I can not halt the onslaught of media telling them to act a certain way by doing anything less then moving to the mountains and avoiding all outside contact, which I refuse to do.  Confused?  Allow me to pick it apart for you and hopefully it will help.

A couple of years ago a certain advertising series began with the what was intended to be a humorous look at married life, from this series came a line that drove a dagger into my frontal cortex and began twisting it violently until I was lost with who I should be, the line "Shut up Steve".  Perhaps you remember this commercial that ran throughout North America and still runs to this day, promoting the health benefits of the cereal and yet beginning a downward spiral of advertisements that created an atmosphere of stench around the male gender.  No ladies I am not saying down with the movement of powerful women, you deserve where you have gotten and I applaud you for it, hear me out then cast your stones.

Men are not stupid, we may say things that are deemed as moronic but that does not hold true to our entire personality.  Somehow advertisers have cast a shadow on us pushing us into a corner with one escape and that is to cave to who they have made us.  Even in the midst of the women's rights and liberalism movements and elevating females to a higher role then they had 50 years ago, they still wanted and want a man who could be strong, stand for his family, protect them, provide and be full of character, to be a man's man, make his own decisions, have integrity in life's toughest moments.  Now we are told to 'get girl approved hair' and eat your vegetables or someone will slap you on the forehead.  Ladies, do you really want your man to come to you every day and say, 'Honey can you do my hair and pick out something for me to wear today'?  And while were on the subject can you help me make proper decisions on food, cologne, foot wear, music, my friends and where to spend my allowance.

This is what we are bombarded with everyday, a constant, do it this way or else type of mentality.  The absolute worst part of it all, we are repeating these tag lines to ourselves, removing self worth and self respect, destroying our standing as head of the house and making a mockery of who our ancestors were.  I hate it when I see men laughing at the advertisements, as if saying 'if I laugh no one will know how insecure I am that I have become that person, hahahahahahaha' STOP IT, I see right through you!

The only hope of a salvation that my gender has tried to grab onto is an ex NFLer who states 'your man can smell like me, and not a girl'.  Bravo, at least it's entertaining, if not some what effective.  What's wrong with making a name for yourself, stating, I will be strong, I will be a great husband, an amazing father and a stand up employee/employer.  I will make a difference in this world that goes beyond opening the door for the elderly and paying for someone's coffee, I will help this society to become better by being a man.  Stop looking to the people that are supposed to be our children's role models and start being one yourself, then one day I can look and say, Thank God for all the men.