Finalization of a misunderstood truth

I have been contemplating ending this second attempt at blogging, for no other reason then my lack of motivation.  For months I have had the thought that I just am not motivated enough to work through the process of recording my thoughts on a medium that can be read universally and that in this process I need to involve my imagination, which may or may not be slowly falling to the side of my brain that I apparently incorporate in daily life only once a week if that often.

However, I have come to discover that this is not the truth.  Over the past few days, perhaps weeks I have been meditating on the thought of my lack of motivation for writing, not just here but everywhere, no more attempted poetry, no more study journals on books I am reading, no more brief notes or journal entries on life happenings, writing has ceased outside of my calling and general work related needs.  Then the epiphany.  I didn't stop writing because of motivation or laziness or even some missing creative spark.  I stopped writing this blog because I became very agitated.  Yes there was a prolonged sickness in the middle of it all, but some where I began to suffer from a state of pure apathy and agitation towards so many different things in life.  Mostly form that point on I discussed my thoughts with my wife and left it at that, because I felt I was just really negative on each subject, like what does this really have to offer to a society that is already hearing a negative approach to so many things.  So I made the decision to just shut up, which of course cause more agitation and a need to vent the putrid lines of filth that was my train of thought.  And again, no blog, no writing of any sort.  I concluded that the lack of my writing here, hurt my style of writing every else, and so I just quit altogether.  As if just remaining silent would help me get past the season of life my brain is in.  But it isn't moving on, I have a need to share my undesirable process of analytical contemplation and put it out where anyone can read it, anyone can critique it and anyone can copy it.

So here it comes world, regardless of how I am feeling in my minds eye at the moment, I will be writing it down.  The coming posts may be negative, they may be critical and they may cause you to become agitated as well.  But I hope they move you to see life in a new light, because we need to see change in the way we view each other and the way we view the world.  Here is your warning, I am loosing my fingers to type what my mind is throwing about like an over inflated beach ball, and sometimes the impact hurts.